Never or Forever
by Jay.Marisa
Summary: Addy and Lily are best friends, more like sisters. Can Addy help Lily realize the love of her life has been standing in front her her the whole time? Can Addy find love too? Can they over come the trials of 7th year? Can it last forever? Hiatus-forever?
1. Chapter 1

**Hi guys! This is just kind of for fun, so don't be too harsh. I welcome criticism, but only constructive please! I can't promise to be always consistent with my posts, but now that schools out I should be better about it than I have been in the past. I used to write a lot of HP fanfic, but this is my first in a while, and I also haven't reread the books in a while, so just a warning now- I probably won't always have all the facts perfect, but I'll do my best.**

**This is mainly a Sirius BlackxOC fic, with a lot of JPxLE, set in the seventh year of Hogwarts, and maybe going beyond.**

**Disclaimer: I, however unfortunately, do not own any of the Harry Potter world. I do however own all unrecognized characters, and take credit for deviations in recognized characters personalities.**

Chapter 1

"No."

"Oh, but Lily, PLEASE?"

"No. Now get out."

I looked up from my Witch Weekly to see my best friend Lily Evens glaring at James Potter's retreating back as he left our compartment, after another pitiful attempt in asking Lily out. We had been aboard the train just long enough to find a compartment and change into our school robes and so far James had been rejected twice. James, for the egotistical prat he was, could bounce back from rejection surprisingly well. He had a lot of practice, of course, so that must have helped.

"Are you ever going to say any thing but 'no' to him?" I asked. This was an old argument. Both of us had been saying the same thing for years. Yes, I could call him an egotistical prat one minute, and then support their future relationship in the next. It never was a question of if, always of when.

"I'll only ever go out with him if he manages to shrink his impossibly large head. Which, will never happen, so no, I'll never say anything but no." She replied, opening up her book and starting to read. It was upside down. Obviously she wasn't reading. Did that mean she was thinking?

"He's nice. And he's very cute." I said watching her carefully. We had had this conversation many times. It was habit, routine almost. We knew our lines. But I've found it's often what Lily doesn't say that is the most important. She's always just brushed me off, but this time felt different.

"Oh, he's nice, real nice. Nicest person of the year. I mean hexing people 24/7, what could be sweeter?" She said sarcastically. That sounded completely Lily.

"Come on, why don't you give him a chance? I'm sure he's matured over the summer." Again, words I had said multiple times, and gotten the same response each time. I had my fingers crossed that this could be different.

"Yeah, matured into a bigger jerk." She muttered into her book.

"Lily, you can't pretend to read." I said, playing my final card, in hope of keeping this conversation going. Lily was stubborn, and I knew that better than anyone. So if I had a chance of her weakening even the slightest, I had to take it. It could never happen again.

"Why can't I pretend to read?" She said snobbishly over her book. She looked down her straight nose at me, and I could only point. She huffed, and flipped her book right side up and returned to "reading."

I sighed and stared out the window at the rapidly passing countryside. I could see my reflection over the passing trees and farms. My mahogany colored hair looked grey in the glass, and I could see the messy bumps on my head from when I had merely scrapped it up into the long ponytail earlier. My bangs seemed too long, and started to cover my hazel eyes, the color of which I considered my best feature, seemed colorless as they looked back at me. My face… I suppose it was pretty. My face was rather heart shaped, and I had had an unfortunate encounter with a muggle who informed me I resembled a pixie. The comment could have either been directed at face, or my unfortunate height, or lack thereof. We sat in silence and the miles passed by. She suddenly shut her book with a slam. I looked away from my reflection, expecting her to start explaining something fascinating in her book, but she only stared out the window at the passing farmlands. I continued to look at her, waiting for her to start. I assumed she had moved on, gotten lost in her book like usual. She sighed surprisingly heavily for the introduction to an educational lecture, and then proceeded to shock me with an emotional rant.

"I just don't get it. Ever since third year he's been asking me out constantly. And does he keep asking me out because he can't stand the embarrassment of being turned down, or does he really like me that much?" This was a new addition to our script. Usually I can only press her so far on the James issue before she lets her temper out, and I though I had reached my monthly limit.

As she spoke, her voice got louder and louder and the words started flowing faster and faster. "And everyone always says we'd be a cute couple. I mean, you say. Every single time he asks or sends Black to do it, you tell me that we'd be cute and to give him a chance. Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew say it. Everyone. I can't see it. He's obnoxious, self-centered, jerky, troublemaking, childish, selfish, and rude." She stopped herself, and stared playing with the two rings on her hands.

As I watched her face, a flicker of different emotions played across it. Of course everyone thought they'd be a cute couple. Everyone, James included, could see that they were perfect for each other. There was no rhyme or reason to it, that was just how it was. She was the only one who could knock him off his throne, and he was the only one who could get her to come off her podium. She calmed him, he made her laugh. She made him a decent human being, he made her a teenage girl. She was everything serous and logical, and he was everything light-hearted and fun. While they were opposites they brought out what no one else could in each other, and made each other… better.

She was the only one who couldn't, or rather wouldn't, see it, the possibilities, the truth. As the emotions changed, I realized something for the first time. "You do like him, don't you?" I whispered. I was shocked. I had always known that James and Lily would be together for forever, but I though it would happen after Hogwarts. Years after, when they had time apart. Time for James to grow up a bit more, and time for Lily to realize everything didn't come down to a grade.

"No! Yes…. Maybe! I don't know…." She said still, looking at her hands. "Every time I let myself start to like him he does something that reminds me why I say no to him everyday. And then there are just some times when I want to strangle him, he gets so annoying. Sure, I might be physically attracted to him, but why would I want to spend anytime with him when he acts like he does?

But then there are other times when he's nice and sweet and I want to pull him into a corner to start snogging out. But there's the physical attraction thing again. Everyone is attracted to him. He's a very attractive boy. His eyes are attractive, so is his hair, I just want to run my fingers through it some afternoons. His laugh is attractive; it makes me want to laugh too. He's attractive! And why can't I stop saying attractive?"

"Lily." I said. I didn't have this conversation ready. We were breaking new ground, going some place I didn't think was possible yet. "You still think of him as a fourth, fifth year boy. When I say he's actually grown up a bit and become more mature, I mean it." Maybe there was a chance? I just wanted Lily to be happy. She was my best friend, my closest. We're like sisters. I knew James would make her happy. "He's always going to be pulling pranks and jinxing people, and acting stupid. That's what boys do. Every boy does it." She looked up from her hands and sighed in defeat.

Defeat? I didn't know that was in Lily the Stubborn's vocabulary. I smiled to myself. Lily was changing, she was putting her bright, logical mind to use, and getting over her stubborn, nonsensical hatred of James Potter. Fingers crossed.

"Okay. I'll give him a few weeks. If he can act like a grown up person, I'll say yes to him for one date. Then we'll take it from there."

"Seriously?" I asked, surprised she would agree so easily. This hadn't taken any urging from me at all.

"Seriously." She replied with a smile. "But you'd better hold me to it. Knowing me, I'm going to try to back out." She would. The minute James did something, anything stupid, I knew she'd be back here complaining. I didn't get my hopes too high yet, but I had some. "Without hope you have nothing," and I wanted to hold onto something.

"I'll hold you to it." I could tell she was uncomfortable with the situation. This was new, for both of us. I had always given her a little grief for refusing to wee what as so obvious to everyone else, but I'm nothing if not a supportive best friend. I'd always complain, then go along with what my stubborn friend had decided. Lily is stubborn and opinionated. For the fist time n our entire friendship, Lily wasn't certain of something, and neither of us knew what to do. So we sat in awkward silence for a few minutes, searching for a safe topic of conversation.

"Oh guess what?" She said, suddenly bouncing up and down in her seat. She was trying to distract both of us, and by the way she was fumbling with something in her pocket, I could make a good guess what.

"You're Head Girl." I said, already knowing the answer. It was a good distraction.

"YES!" She squealed with absolute delight. She pulled out a letter and a shining gold badge out of her robe pocket and handed them to me. The badge was surprisingly heavy and the size of my palm and had the Hogwarts emblem on it. Above the emblem were the words "Head Girl" and below was "Lily Evens". I opened the letter and started to read.

**Dear Mrs. Evens,**

**I am pleased to announce that you have been chosen as Head Girl at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. As Head Girl you will have a variety of different tasks that must be performed. On September 1, at 2:00, please report to Compartment 2 to receive the first of these and meet the new Head Boy and Prefects.**

**Yours Sincerely,**

**Professor M. McGonagall**

**Deputy Headmistress**

"I knew you'd be Head Girl. Who else would they choose?" I said. Lily was perfect. Or as close to perfect as humanly possible. I suppose I'm biased, but she was smart, gorgeous, nice, and everyone loved her. It would have been impossible to even consider anyone else for Head Girl. Even with her temper, she was one of the sweetest people I knew. All first years loved her as a prefect because she stood up for them, and while she was a stickler for the rules, she was fair to all houses. "Who do you think Head Boy is going to be?"

"I have no idea." She answered, seriously. "I'm hoping for either Remus or that Ravenclaw, Nikolas Actley. I think it'll probably be Nikolas though. I don't think they'd want to have the Head Boy and Girl from the same house."

"I hope it's Nik. He definitely deserves it, and he said this summer that it would look very good when he applied for the Department of Mysteries. It's not like Lupin doesn't deserve it, but he's always sick. And they couldn't have to Heads from the same House. Some Slytherin parent would complain." We sat in easy silence until Lily looked at her watch. "Well, its 1:55 now, I should probably head up front."

"Kay. I'll be here reading." I said. She left the compartment and I re-opened my forgotten magazine, hoping I could finish the style quiz before I was interrupted next. I could never find peace or quite on the train. Of course, three minutes later I was interrupted by Sirius Black.

"Hey Adrienne. " He said, slightly awkwardly, not acting like himself, and avoiding my eyes. He was the only person, besides my mother, whom I didn't correct when they used my full first name. He was the only one who I enjoyed hearing it from.

"If James asked you to ask Lily for him, or to ask me to ask Lily, the answer is the same from less than an hour ago." I said, keeping my eyes in front of me and trying to hide my blushing cheeks behind my magazine.

"Oh, no!" He quickly said, actually looking up at me. "James didn't send me…" We drifted into an awkward silence. I didn't know what to say. Like every girl at Hogwarts, I had had a major crush on him. It was gone… Except for when he leaned against the wall, in already disheveled robes, running a hand through his long black hair, his face gorgeously handsome, his blue eyes… Nope. No crush here.

When I was sure my face had lost it's pink tint, I lowered my magazine. "Then what can I do for you?" I pointedly avoided use of his name, knowing he would be able to tell how much I enjoyed saying it. I also avoided his eyes, knowing from experience how easily I could be caught in them, and thus reduced to babbling idiot. I looked off somewhere behind him, into the hallway where the trolley sat stopped, outside the compartment beside mine.

"Anything off the trolley dears?" Our terrible silence was interrupted by the old witch pushing the food cart.

"Umm" Sirius said quickly, looking pleased with the interruption, which I could understand. It was a rather pointed silence, and if he was here by orders of James, which surely he was, he knew the uncomfortable position that put us both in. We weren't really friends. Lily's James hating made that rather difficult, as James and Sirius were as close as Lily and I. But we were in the same House and many of the same classes, and were more than just acquaintances. Whenever James went through Sirius, me, or both of us for Lily, our… friendship of sorts… suffered.

"I'll have the Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans, and she'll have Drew Balls." He paid and handed me my Drew Balls, as my chin dropped.

He must have found my expression amusing, because he finally relaxed and laughed and used the back of his hand to return my jaw to its normal position. His hand on my face made my heart flutter and my cheeks to turn warm. I finally looked up and got lost in his blue eyes, as I knew I would. His eyes became cloudy and he released my face, his hand having moved up to be holding my cheek while I swam in his eyes, and he sat down quickly across from me.

He forced a rather fake laugh. "Don't look so shocked Addy." I blushed a bit more and his laugh turned real. "So I know your favorite, to die for, got to have it, candy. No need to lose your wits." He said, flashing his Hogwarts renowned smile, making my already unsteady heart skip another beat.

Calm down Addy! No need to lose your head. Act cool for heavens sake! He's not interested and he'll know you like him if you blush one more time.

He had moved onto his beans, and was no longer looking at me, for which I was grateful. I opened my Drew Balls and pulled out a purple one. Drew Balls were the one candy I loved and the only one I really ate. My dad had introduced m to them when I was younger, and now was addicted. We sat in silence, this one less awkward and more friendly than the one before. I was oddly pleased that he was here with me. We weren't saying anything, but this was the longest we had ever been alone, and I was happily surprised it wasn't too awkward. I knew I didn't have a chance with him, but it was nice to know that we could be friends once Lily and James got their act together. Call me masochistic, but I was happy.


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm glad that I got a response**! **I can't promise to usually update this frequently, but I had this written and I'm trying to encourage more readers! I don't have a beta-reader, so if you notice some silly mistake it's all on me. I apologize in advance, because I know there's some in here.**

_To tell the truth is revolutionary. ~ Antonio Gramsci_

Chapter 2

"Black. Get out." Our pleasant silence was interrupted by Lily storming in, which caused Sirius to drop some of his colorful beans, and stand up suddenly, banging his head on the trunk rack above. I jumped up too, startled.

Lily looked livid. Her normally tame appearance, looked wind-swept, like she had battled hurricanes to reach our compartment. Her normally pale face was red and her hands were in tight fists, her knuckles pale white, silver rings straining across her fingers. Sirius looked as startled by her face as I felt, Lily hardly ever got truly mad, and never in front of someone besides me. But, he knowing girls as well as he did, knew when to leave a situation.

"I'll see you later Addy. Um... Good to see you Lily?" He said, backing out of our compartment for some safety far, far away.

"Thanks for the Drew Balls," I called as he walked away. He turned to give a little 'no problem' wave, "Sirius." I whispered. Sirius. I felt warm inside just saying his name. I started to smile, until I remembered the storm, otherwise know as Lily Evans, still standing and seething rage in front of me.

"Do you know what _HE _just did?" The emphasis on "he" left no question as to who the 'he' was. I mentally sighed. This would be why I didn't want to get my hopes up too high, even when all the signs seemed positive. Lily already held such a grudge, one little thing by James would set her off, make her positive he was the jerky third or fourth year again.

"Did he ask you out." I couldn't get too emotionally or mentally involved. I was getting whiplash from Lily's emotions and the beginning of one of my migraines.

"No!"

"Did he… jinx a poor little first year."

"Well… no!"

"Did he try to kiss you."

"NO!"

"Then what's your problem? It doesn't sound like he did anything." After each question, her face got a bit redder and her voice louder and shriller, until the final 'no' turned into a screech.

"HE'S HEAD BOY! THAT'S WHAT HE DID!" With that final bit of information she sat down with a 'humph' to glare at my amused expression. "What's so funny?" she asked, or rather demanded.

I couldn't help but laugh. She wasn't mad. She was appalled. She looked so horrified at the thought of James being Head Boy. "I don't see what's so wrong Lily. It's not like he's stupid. Of course, he isn't a genius like you, but then again no one is. And the Head Boy and Girl don't necessarily have to be the smartest two people in the school. To be a Head Boy or Girl you have to be respected by everyone, which he is, you have to be get along with the teachers, which he does, and you have to be a good person-" I held up my hand to her attempt to interrupt, "which he is, though you seem to have a great deal of trouble believing it."

James wasn't what I would call a traditional Head Boy, but he wasn't lacking a necessary skill that would take him out of the running. I never considered him as Head Boy, but the more I thought about it, it made sense. He was smart, he just didn't always try s hard as others. He was respected and apart from his pranks, a pretty nice teenage boy. Teachers liked him, for all his trouble making ways, and other students liked him too. Professor Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall, and the other teachers choose the Heads, and I was confident that if they though he was the best candidate, he deserved he badge.

"You sound like you're in love with him. Why don't you go ask him out then?" She snarled. Very un-Lily like. "Sorry." She said quieter. "I know you like Sir-" I coughed to interrupt, "I know you like someone else," she said, changing where she was going with her statement, "I didn't mean to be nasty… I'm just… confused, I guess." She said ending in a whisper.

"Don't worry." I replied, just as quietly. Of course she knew I still liked Sirius. I could pretend and fool myself, but there was no fooling her.

"I don't even know why I got mad. I walked down to the compartment, like I was supposed to, and I saw Remus, so I was like 'Cool, I guess Lupin's Head Boy'. And then James comes up behind him and smiles at me, and I guess I lost my head a bit there, being the first time I'm actually allowing myself to look at him and not see a jerk, and I smile back. He's shocked, of course, so I smile a bit more, because it's like 'hey, I can do this, I can flirt and act cool and not be nerdy and maybe like James'. So I congratulate Lupin on getting Head Boy, and he just looks at me a little funny and keeps walking past the compartment with that rat-boy, whatever his name is. So I think that's a little weird, but I don't dwell on it. So I go into the compartment and introduce my self to all the prefects, and I say 'We just have to wait for Remus and we can get started'.

And then the compartment opens from behind me and James of all people comes in and is like 'You can get started, we aren't waiting for Remus, I'm Head Boy'. And so I laugh and tell him to get out. And now I have all the prefects looking at me and James pulls out a badge, and sure enough it says, "James Potter" "Head Boy". So he comes in and stands beside me and starts off on the lecture and introductions. And I just stand there like an idiot with my mouth open staring at him the entire time. So towards the end, he turns to me and asks if there's anything I want to add, and I can't even speak enough to say 'no'. So he dismisses everyone and walks out leaving me standing there, my jaw still on the floor."

"Wow." I was shocked. James had matured, but I didn't think he had that much.

"And now I can't figure out why I'm so mad about him being Head Boy. I actually don't even know _if _I'm mad!" She stood up and started pacing. More very un-Lily like behavior. She was normally so calm and collected, even though she had the hair. She didn't like when her temper got the best of her, so she always tried to hold her emotions in. Today was turning into a very unusual sort of day.

"I don't know what to say." I didn't. This was another new situation. There was nothing to say, besides the obvious. 'You're Head Girl, James is Head Boy. You get to spend some time with him, away from his friends; boys always behave more naturally away from their friends 'cause they don't have to show off. Don't even sweat it. It'll be good for the both of you, I think."

She sat back down. And stared out the window, leaving us in silence. It wasn't a bad silence, only a thoughtful one. I knew she heard what I had said, and now I just had to let her think.

I thought back to Sirius. He was heart breaker, I knew that. At least, my head did. My heart on the other hand, wasn't always so smart. He was just too handsome for my own good. I really had to get over him. It was better that way, safer. But… I realized he had never answered my question as to why he came by. Succumbing to my romantic, wishful thinking side, hoped maybe he had come by to see me, but realistically I knew there was certainly a more logical reason, one not involving me.

"Okay." Lily finally looked away from the window, and the growing darkness outside. "I agree. It should be good, for both of us." It still seemed she was trying to convince herself more than she was trying to convince me.

"Glad you're being reasonable." I joked, attempting to lighten the temper in the room, which had grown darker as Lily and I had thought.

"Shut up." She said, half playfully, half seriously. We laughed, and room became a little less like the eye of a thunderstorm.

"Why did Sirius stop by?" Lily asked, probably just having realized there was something unusual about the compartment when she stormed back in. She's not normally unobservant, but today I could cut her some extra slack.

I didn't have an answer for her, just a guess. "I think he was coming to warn you? Or maybe he was looking for James?" Those were the best I could come up with.

She let the subject drop, and the train continued to chug across the Scottish countryside. It grew steadily darker outside, and I just read my magazine and Lily read her book. A few friends poked their heads in to say hi, then continued on. Lily went on a brief patrol up and down the train, reminding first years to put on their school robes as we got closer and closer to the castle.

* * *

"Fe'st years! This way! Follow me! Fe'st years!" Hagrid stood, towering over everyone, with first years cowering at his huge feet. He was the Hogwart's Grounds Keeper, and sometimes he helped out with the Care of Magical Creatures class. He knew almost everything about Magical Creatures, but his height was definitely intimidating, especially from a 5'3'' shrimp like myself. I was too nervous ever to be friendly, but knew Lily sometimes went down to his cabin, either to visit or study or find a place to escape James.

"Home sweet home!" Lily announced as she came up behind me. We stood for a moment on the platform, looking up at the school which had become our home more than anywhere else had. Lights glittered from window, visible across the lake, and the entire thing almost looked fake, or at least too good to be real. Lily and I were like sisters, and Hogwarts our home. I had missed it, and thinking forward I would miss it even more when I graduated. Which was this year. _Merde_. I wasn't ready. Not to leave Hogwarts, not to grow up, not to have do something with my life.

"Yeah, home sweet home." Sirius laughed dryly, as he and the others came up behind Lily and I, causing her to jump. Of course, I assumed, he wouldn't see Hogwarts like that. He was from a Pureblood family, one of the richer ones. He probably saw Hogwarts as confining, not freeing like Lily and I saw it. His loss.

"Well Lily, we get a carriage to ourselves up to the castle. You coming?" James offered with a dashing bow and smile, which Lily took in stride, and they left the platform to walk to the carriages.

The carriages. Eww. Maybe the single thing about Hogwarts I didn't like. Not because of the carriages themselves but the things which drew them. Thestrals. They weren't bad looking creatures; like skinny horse like with wings. But most people didn't know that. Only people who had witnessed a death could see them.

Before third year, after seven rides in the carriages(two to school, one away, and four for the Christmas holidays), I had no idea what pulled them. Magic I assumed, the one time I gave any thought to it at all. Then the winter of third year, before Christmas, I was called home because my father was in an accident. We had always been close. He had always wanted a son but got me, and we made it work. The person who had taken my out to ice cream after visiting St. Mungo's, the one who had taught me my first hexes to save myself from horny guys, had been the one to go buy me my first broomstick when mum didn't think I was ready for one. After his death, I came back to school alone. There was only one carriage waiting for me instead of the usual hundred. And it was being pulled by something. A yucky horse I thought originally, until I got close. Then all I could think about was the father I was never going to see again. When I reached the castle I was still bawling and was sent to the Infirmary, where I found out what the not-horse was.

"You okay?" A gentle voice asked in my ear. I leaped up, surprised, and looked around. Sirius and I were the only ones still standing on the platform, and all the carriages had already gone, except for one which Lupin was holding back, waiting for us.

"Yea," I laughed, shakily. "Just great." He frowned at my tone of voice. "Let's go." I said quickly, hurrying towards the waiting carriages. His longer strides kept pace with my shorter ones, as I tried not to look at him or the thestrals, leaving me to look at the ground.

Sirius stopped me before we were within hearing range of the other two boys. "You sure you're okay Adrienne?" He stared down intently at me. Another reason I had always had trouble escaping my crush on Sirius- he could always make you feel like you were the one, the most important thing on his mind, the only thing he cared about at the moment. His eyes could pierce flesh, see into my heart and mind. He was never afraid to stand close, and with his height paired with my "fun size-ness," he towered over me, but instead of being intimidated, I felt protected. His open and honest face seemed to beg me to confide in him, a trait people usually associated with me, and I wanted to tell him the truth. No one else knew the entire truth besides Lily: no one wants to broadcast that they've suffered an emotional breakdown.

When I got out of the Hospital Wing, rumors seemed to be everywhere for a week. They broke of suddenly when James and Sirius did something stupid that attracted everyone's attention, and people stopped focusing on me, and then the next drama came around, and thankfully, no one ever found out the truth. I learned later that Lily had some influence on the timing of the prank pulled, but what else are best friends for?

I liked Sirius. I could admit that to myself without ruining my life, my self-esteem. But I knew what type of boy Sirius was. He was out-going, and athletic, and smart and popular. He had everything going for him. He could have anything, or anyone, he wanted. I wasn't one to sell myself short, or beg for compliments. I could acknowledge that I had things going for me- I had some great friends, I could be pretty if I put in an effort more often, I was willing to try hard, and people liked me because I listened well and could offer honest, but nice advice. I didn't gossip and I didn't like when people talked about me. Sirius- no Black- and I were different. No matter how perfect he seemed, I knew nothing but a cup of raspberry tea and a shortbread cookie were perfect. I also knew that you couldn't trust everyone, and Sirius generally represented everyone, or who everyone wanted to be.

I looked away, scanning the area around us. "I'm fine, really." I shivered when my gaze passed over the two waiting thestrals. He looked to the front of the carriage as well, but his eyes kept moving, looking for what had made me shiver. He couldn't have believed me, I'm a terrible liar, but he moved on quickly. "Let's go. Those two look impatient."

I judged the distance from the ground to the steps of the tall carriage, and prepared to make the leap up, when Lupin stuck his hand out to help pull me up.

"Thanks." I smiled and said gratefully, knowing I would have made a fool of myself if I had leapt.

"No problem," he said with a smile. "Sorry mate," he said, his smile turning apologetic as he looked towards Sirius getting into the carriage. _Of course he didn't have to jump. _"Knew you'd want to help, but we can't delay any longer." Sirius growled at Lupin. I looked between the two boys in confusion, then settled in next to Lupin, across from Sirius and Peter, the little rat boy.

Boys confused me some days. Actually, they confused me most days. They had to be different species, or from a different planet, or something that explained why the heck they were so different. People said that boys were much more straight forward than girls, but when they made cryptic little remarks like that, I had to disagree. Honesty. I'm a firm believer in that. Boys suck, but girls can't live without them, myself included. Grr.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sooo... I swore to myself I'd never be an author that would beg for reviews, or threaten to withhold a chapter until I got a certain amount of reviews, and that's not what I'm trying to do now! I'm just mentioning to the people that just read this fic, that if I'm putting in my time and energy to write this, and you're putting in your time and energy to read it, maybe you could put in a little extra time and energy to review? Even a smiley face would make me happy. One word? Just throwing it out there. I'll try to post again next week, but I don't want to make any promises I can't promise I'll be able to keep. I just got a new golden-doodle puppy, and he's taking up quite a bit of my time. But he's adorable, so he's totally worth it. **

_Sleep is the best meditation. _  
~Dalai Lama~

Chapter 3

I rode to the castle in silence, Lupin and Sirius joking the entire time at Peter's expense. He really didn't seem to mind, even laughing with them. He seemed to just enjoyed the fact that he was "friends" with them. Peter's relationship with them was difficult for me to piece together. I couldn't tell James, Sirius and Lupin actually liked him and were constantly just joking around, or if they didn't like him and he hadn't realized it yet. I thought the first was the most probable. They usually made it perfectly obvious when they didn't like someone. But if the second thing were the case, then eventually he would probably turn on them, like a rabid dog.

I sat in the carriage, trying not to think. My head hurt and I was completely drained. I hadn't done anything more physically stressful than finish packing, catching my energetic cat, and dragging my trunks and said cat who didn't like to travel, through Kings Cross Station, but emotionally it had been a tough day. I tried to think what would be for diner, and figure out how long it would take for the sorting, the ravenous boys to finish eating and Dumbledore to give his annual speech, before I could curl up in my dorm bed and hide from the world until I had to start classes the next morning.

We reached the castle a little after the other carriages and a little before the first years. I hurried out of the carriage, giving a little wave with out a look behind me to the boys, and caught up to Lily and James. Everyone was generally milling about outside the Great Hall, waiting for the doors to open so we could head in. Slipping through the crowd, I said hello to familiar faces, but didn't stay to chat with anyone. Maybe a bit rude, but I knew that's what we'd do for the next week, and I saw no reason to get a head start. I just wanted to sleep.

"Hey Addy!" Lily forced out rather cheerfully as I came up to her and James. They had been standing in silence, neither looking at the other, but at the floor in between their feet. Lily was playing with her rings, her trademark gesture of nerves. James was dragging a hand through his hair- Lily had always complained about that habit of his- but it now clearly was an unconscious action, much like her playing with her rings. Maybe if I were in a better mood myself I would have made some cryptic comment about it, causing James to look puzzled and Lily to laugh hysterically at his expression, but I couldn't. Lily seemed very glad to see me, but I wasn't sure why. He obviously hadn't done anything, otherwise she'd be yelling or glaring at him. I was too tired to expend the mental energy to figure it out. I would soon, but for then I just pretended I didn't notice any tension.

"Hi guys. What's up? Was your carriage that much better than everyone else's you're still in awe over its beauty?" Not something I would necessarily say, but I couldn't claim to be at the top of my game.

"Err- Yeah! It was really nice!" James went into a quick rant, describing every detail of the carriage to me, from the lint on the floor to the cushions which were the exact same shade of maroon as his Quiditch robes, and I ignored him to focus on Lily's face. It was rather red, not in rage, but embarrassment? I couldn't be sure. I looked at James. His face was slightly pink as well, but it couldn't be embarrassment. Rage didn't make sense either. I couldn't figure it out.

The double doors to the Great Hall thankfully opened, sweeping slowly outwards pushing people back and other through the now open doorway.

"What's your hurry?" Sirius asked, breathless, as he caught up, and walked beside me into the Great Hall. I hoped he wasn't talking to me, but James was still discussing the color of those fascinating cushions, so he must have been. I didn't think I had rushed through the crowd, but by Sirius's out of breath breathing, I plainly had been going much faster than I assumed. I was fortunately saved from answering when Lupin and Peter caught up as well.

"We'll- ah- see you later!" James said when we walked through the doorway. The four of them dropped behind us and started mumbling, causing Lily to once again blush.

"Nothing!" I heard James shout, causing most of the Hall to turn and look at him. He blushed. James Potter actually blushed. I was shocked. I think everyone else was too. James Potter? Blush? Used in the same sentence? Shocking.

Lily hurried me to a seat, one as far away from the boys as she could find. I slid in beside her, near the head of the table. Sitting across from us was Alice Ketteridge and Frank Longbottom. They were best friends, they said. And had no romantic interest in each other, they said. They didn't care who the other dated, they said. There was no chance of them ever being together, they said. Which totally explained why they inexplicably hated whom ever the other went out with, and why their other relationships never seemed to last longer than a few months.

The Great Hall was a mass of black robes. The walls were covered in banner of green and silver, yellow and black, blue and bronze, and my own scarlet and gold. The four long tables held the students, and the head table on the rise sat the professors. The ceiling tonight was clear, offering a look at the waning moon and million stars. The cream taper candles were lit and floated above our heads, setting the mood for the terrified first years waiting outside the now closed, heavy oak doors.

* * *

After sorting, our house gained a few names. Alice's younger cousins was one of the first years sorted into Gryffindor andAlice made us all wave encouragingly to her. The first years all looked so small, and helpless; terrified even. I couldn't imagine ever looking like that but I knew that I had only six years previous. Lily immediately began making friends and introducing herself to all the first years sitting near us. They flocked to her like they were moths, and she was the only speck of light in a dark and lonely tomb.

Lily shocked me by pointing to James farther down the table and introduced him as the Head Boy, and waved him over. He proceeded to shocked me even more by coming over and making a brief appearance and said hello to them, and didn't even scare one. James and Lily introduced the first years to all the prefects, and seemed like they had a handle on working well together.

I picked at my dinner, not really interested in anything there was to offer. I couldn't even bring myself to show interest in desert when it was brought around. Lily normally would have bugged me with a mixture of bossing and cajoling until I ate something, but being so occupied with her first years she didn't notice my food being pushed around, not eaten.

"Hello Miss Addy Darcey." Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington said quite seriously as he rose up through the table, causing a few first years to shriek in alarm. Less formally known as Nearly Headless Nick, due to a beheading gone wrong, or Nick to those he counted as friends.

"Hello Nick!" I said, happy for a distraction. "How was your summer? Lonely?" I asked every year to be polite.

"Dreadfully, dreadfully. You would be surprised, but somewhere in the middle of August I start to miss some of you yelping whelps. It surprises me every time."

I laughed. "Missed you too Nick!" He was a sweetheart. Like a grandfather you loved, only one you weren't able to give decent hugs to, unless you minded hugging only air and a shiver afterwards.

"How was your summer Miss Addy?" He asked that every year too. We had been close since third year when he found me sobbing in an empty classroom. He showed me the Room of Requirement and we spent hours in there morbidly discussing death and less morbidly discussing life.

"It was okay. Mum was working the entire time, so I just hung out by myself at home or at Diagon Alley… nothing too special." My summers never were. Mum worked at the Ministry, doing who knows what, leaving me to my own devices the entire summer. Our conversation drifted to what I planned on doing this year, my courses and such, until Professor Dumbledore finally announced the feast over everyone left, tired and wanting their beds. I couldn't wait until I could curl up and sleep, nut I loved talking with Nick.

I saw the Gryffindor prefects leading the first years away and Lily hurrying after James to talk to McGonagall, leaving Nick to float and I to walk, the long way, very slowly to the seventh floor, where Nick left me to join his "fellow breath lacking brethrens in a formal meeting to discuss and decide what was to be done with Peeves this year."

I walked the hallway to the end, where The Fat Lady in her startling pink dress sat, surrounded by her gold-guild frame. I stared in shock at her for a minute, wanting to pound my forehead against something very hard, like my old History of Magic textbook. I was so used to Lily finding out the password and then us walking up to the dorm together, I had completely forgotten to ask someone what the password was.

"Any way I could get in without a password, this one time?" I asked The Fat Lady, with very little hope. She never let anyone in without the password, even when she had known them for years. Usually I'd call that safe, but now it was just annoying. I could feel myself swaying on my feet, and almost feel my crisp sheets and soft pillow calling to me.

"Certainly not! I cannot be seen making any exception, I'll have you know!" She replied, putting her nose up in the air.

"Not even worth the shot." I had to berate myself, for being so reliant on Lily and forgetful, and sat back against the wall, preparing for a very long, uncomfortable night.

* * *

"Is that really the best place you could find to spend your night?" A light, cheerful voice asked from above me. Even half asleep I knew that voice. Great. Just who I wanted to see as I wake up from sleeping out in the hallway. Without opening my eyes, I turned my neck, trying to get the cricks out of it. It cracked, rather loudly, and if I were fully awake I knew I would have been dieing with embarrassment.

"It was the only place at the time." I said, disgruntled. Finally opening my eyes, I looked up to see Sirius leaning against the wall beside me. I looked way up, him being so tall. He was always leaning against something, looking so completely relaxed and at ease with his surroundings. I envied his laid back attitude most of the time, but fully enjoyed the view the rest of the time.

He was looking down at me, confused. His face was adorable. I had to still be half asleep if I could willingly ogle him like that and not scold myself about it. Whatever. I could only enjoy it while it lasted!

"Why were you sleeping out here?" He still looked adorably confused. I had to rein myself in before my tired brain said something that would certainly embarrass me when I woke up the next morning.

"No password." I said, trying to keep things simple.

"Oh." He seemed to think that was too logical of an answer, and waited for me to go on.

"That's it. I didn't know the password, and after Nick and I finished our walk I got back here and everyone was already inside. I forgot to ask Lily what the password was earlier, so I just fell asleep out here."

"Nick?" He asked rather dangerously, focusing on a detail, that was rather minuscule to my sleepy brain. As tired and uncomfortable as I was, I snapped.

"Yes. Nick. Now can you tell me the password so I can go to bed? I'm tired and my neck hurts and I want to sleep in a bed." I paused, waiting for him to say something. He didn't, so I continued. "And if you don't want to let me in would you please just go away so I can try to sleep out here, as uncomfortable as it is?"

"Aquarius ulta." He said after a minute, and walked into the common room leaving me on the floor outside.

"He seems rather displeased." The Fat Lady's knowing tone made me more frustrated than I already was. I didn't know anything, so how did she think to presume that she knew something?

"He was thinking about something else." I brushed off, as an excuse. He was obviously displeased about something, but I had no idea what. He wouldn't be mad that I growled at him, those things didn't bother him. It had to be something else.

"What ever you say dear." She said with a smile as though she knew where my thoughts were. "Password?"

"Aquarius ulta."

"Of course." She said as she swung aside to reveal the common room. "Have a good night my dear!" She laughed, as I steeped over the threshhold. I was home. The fire crackled cheerfully in the fireplace, casting its warm golden tones around the room. The scarlet and mahogany armchairs and couches, already in a jumble, made the room look happy and lived in.

I looked around for Sirius, hoping to find him and apologize. Maybe not apologize, but say that I didn't mean to be grouchy. And then ask him what he was doing out so late. I didn't see him in any of the seats or leaning against the wall, hidden in shadow, so I knew he went straight up to his dorm. Obviously he didn't want my apology, and if he was going to be difficult I wasn't going to go out of my way to give him one.

I walked up to the dorm, this year with one less student. Lily had her own dorm now, I didn't know where, but I'd find it soon enough. That left Alice, Greer Kirkpe, Dalia Webber, Ashby Suzza, Turquoise Maile, Scout Hemmingworth, and myself in our seventh year dorm. We got along fairly well. We had been sharing the dorm since first year so we all knew each others' habits and we got along much better than other dorms. Not all of us were as close as Lily and I were, but everyone was nice enough and I counted them all as friends. We had all laughed about the horror stories of the Hufflepuff and Slytherin dorms, and were all extremely grateful for each other.

They had all picked beds, leaving me with two choices; one by the door or one by the window. I immediately went to the one by the window. My trunks were already surrounding the bed, showing how well they or the house elves knew me. Not bothering to unpack, I didn't want to wake everyone one up and I was too tired to even try to be quiet, I just grabbed my nightgown and my bathroom kit, and went to the bathroom to get ready.

Coming back, I found Artemis had already discovered my bed. Artemis was my seven year old, lovely calico. She was a sweetheart, but temperamental, and I loved her completely. We were perfectly alike in attitude; slightly shy, but generally sweet-tempered, possessing a wicked temper, but unleashing it very infrequently. I saw her when I first went school shopping all those years ago, and I just knew she was going to be mine, and she had been my baby since. Moving her off my pillow, I laid down and let my exhaustion take over.

**Well... What do you think? Artemis is a figment of my imagination, but her temperament is somewhat based off my old cat Simone. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey all! Hope everyone's summers are great, and hope you enjoy this chapter! I apologize for the bit of the delay. I had this written a little while ago but I didn't get a good chance to go over it until last night. Pupppies are really tough! but Zeke, my goldendoodle, is completely worth it. I think I may actually try to write him into the story... hmm... Possibilities! **

_A lie may take care of the present, but it has no future. ~Author Unknown_

Chapter 4

I woke early, not feeling very refreshed. Greer, Ash, and Turq were already up and moving, getting ready as quietly as possible. Alice, Dalia, and Scout were still fast asleep, and as they were not morning people on the best of days, I knew this would be the worst morning of the year. I took a quick shower and got dressed in my school robes. They were a black pleated skirt, with a white shirt, a scarlet and gold tie, black knee socks, and the black robes. I dreaded the knee socks and ties, but wore them anyways. There were always the few girls who tried to make the whole school uniform dress code more bearable, either by adding to the clothes or taking some off, but having your shirt tucked magically once was more than enough for me to put up with the uniform. It wasn't that bad, and we only had to wear it to classes, so I struggled to understand why so many girls felt the need to mess with the uniform.

I walked down to the common room with Turq and saw the house elves had already rearranged the furniture back to where they thought it should go. It was a never-ending battle. Everyday the furniture was rearranged into messy groups and clumps and every night the house elves put them back into a perfect ring around the fire.

We checked out the message board, and saw that James, the Quiditch Captain as well as Head Boy, had already posted requests for two new Chasers, a Beater, and a Keeper. The team last year won the Cup and obviously dominated, but lost four players, leaving James to re-start the team. The only ones left were James, the Seeker, Greer, one of the Beaters, and Wesley Carroway, a sixth year, one of the Chasers. Already multiple people had signed up to try out.

"Are you interested in playing Keeper?" I asked. Turq was a fabulous keeper, but Christian Wood had been on the team as Keeper since our first year, so she never had a shot at trying out, never mind playing.

"I think so!" she said laughing. "I'm nervous, but I think I can do it." She was basically bursting in excitement, her chocolate brown eyes excited and her dark skin flushed.

"Better sign up!" I said, excited for her, "Look, you'll be the first name on the Keeper list. Everyone knows they're up against you this year and are probably terrified to tryout!"

We walked to the Great Hall laughing, and her trying to convince me to go out for Chaser. I liked to fly, but I wasn't good enough to make the team. Even if I was, competition wasn't my thing, and as a Gryffindor Quiditch player, I'd be a jinx target. Some people didn't mind the more treacherous part of the game, but I certainly would.

The Great Hall was less than half full, with little pockets of people all along the four tables. We walked through the idle aisle, saying a brief hello to our Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff friends, and finally settling by ourselves near the center of the table, across from each other. We were soon joined by Ash and Greer, as more and more people came into he Hall. Professor McGonagall and other heads of houses started giving the younger students their schedules. As a seventh year, I already had mine and knew I had an hour before double potions.

I wanted to be an Auror. It was the only job I could picture myself doing, ever since I fully understood what my dad had done as a job. He had been an Auror, and ever since he took me to work when I was 9, I'd had my heart set on becoming one.

I woke early, not feeling very refreshed. Greer, Ash, and Turq were already up and moving, getting ready as quietly as possible. Alice, Dalia, and Scout were still fast asleep, and as they were not morning people on the best of days, I knew this would be the worst morning of the year. I took a quick shower and got dressed in my school robes. They were a black pleated skirt, with a white shirt, a scarlet and gold tie, black knee socks, and the black robes. I dreaded the knee socks and ties, but wore them anyways. There were always the few girls who tried to make the whole school uniform dress code more bearable, either by adding to the clothes or taking some off, but having your shirt tucked magically once was more than enough for me to put up with the uniform. It wasn't that bad, and we only had to wear it to classes, so I struggled to understand why so many girls felt the need to mess with the uniform.

I walked down to the common room with Turq and saw the house elves had already rearranged the furniture back to where they thought it should go. It was a never-ending battle. Everyday the furniture was rearranged into messy groups and clumps and every night the house elves put them back into a perfect ring around the fire.

We checked out the message board, and saw that James, the Quiditch Captain as well as Head Boy, had already posted requests for two new Chasers, a Beater, and a Keeper. The team last year won the Cup and obviously dominated, but lost four players, leaving James to re-start the team. The only ones left were James, the Seeker, Greer, one of the Beaters, and Wesley Carroway, a sixth year, one of the Chasers. Already multiple people had signed up to try out.

"Are you interested in playing Keeper?" I asked. Turq was a fabulous keeper, but Christian Wood had been on the team as Keeper since our first year, so she never had a shot at trying out, never mind playing.

"I think so!" she said laughing. "I'm nervous, but I think I can do it." She was basically bursting in excitement, her chocolate brown eyes excited and her dark skin flushed.

"Better sign up!" I said, excited for her, "Look, you'll be the first name on the Keeper list. Everyone knows they're up against you this year and are probably terrified to tryout!"

We walked to the Great Hall laughing, and her trying to convince me to go out for Chaser. I liked to fly, but I wasn't good enough to make the team. Even if I was, competition wasn't my thing, and as a Gryffindor Quiditch player, I'd be a jinx target. Some people didn't mind the more treacherous part of the game, but I certainly would.

The Great Hall was less than half full, with little pockets of people all along the four tables. We walked through the idle aisle, saying a brief hello to our Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff friends, and finally settling by ourselves near the center of the table, across from each other. We were soon joined by Ash and Greer, as more and more people came into The Hall. Professor McGonagall and other heads started giving the younger students their schedules. As a seventh year, I already had mine and knew I had an hour before double potions.

I wanted to be an Auror. It was the only job I could picture myself doing, ever since I fully understood what my dad had done as a job. He had been an Auror, and ever since he took me to work when I was 9, I'd had my heart set on becoming one.

This year I was taking Potions, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Transfiguration, Charms, Herbology, and Ancient Runes. The first five were mandatory, Defense Against the Dark Arts being my favorite class, and I took Ancient Runes as well, just for fun. I compared schedules with the girls until Ash and Turq had to head down to Care of Magical Creatures. I left the table as well, heading to the most logical place to find Lily, The Library.

Searching through the stacks, I found dust and books and old homework, but no Lily. Already The Library had a few patrons, trying to finish summer work before their classes started or doing their own research. Not finding Lily, I went to the next logical place, The Kitchen.

The Kitchen was the house elves' domain, but Lily was friendly with them all, and since she missed breakfast it made sense that she would be in there. "Hello Mistress!" A happy high squeak said from some where around my knee. "Can I get you anything? Anything at all? Please?"

"Actually, I was wondering if Lily had by any chance come down here earlier?"

"Yes! Yes!" He squeaked, happy to be able to help me. "She was here a little while ago, getting some toast and kippers! In a rather rush, but that's beside the point. Can I get you any toast?"

"No thank-you." I tried to decline politely. He face turned so sad, I couldn't stop my self. "Could I have a muffin?" He brightened up immediately, and dragged me over to a small side table, listing off all the muffins he could get me.

I settled in with a plate of blueberry muffins and a large steaming cup of coco, and was perfectly happy, until voices I recognized pierced the mindless din of the kitchens. "Nick! How many Nicks are there in this school?" Sirius was basically shouting, causing the house elves to eye him warily and only the bravest offer him anything.

"Yes, I'll have a slice of toast if you please." Remus said before responding to Sirius, "Stop carrying on, you're scaring them. Tell them what you want."

"Oh. Toast please. But Moony really, how many Nicks are there in the school?"

"Well, there's that seventh year Slytherin-"

"If she was out walking with a Slytherin I will personally murder the bastard." Sirius interrupted fiercely.

"AND," Remus continued, "At least 2 Ravenclaws, maybe a few Hufflepuffs, no Griffindors, unless you count the first year. So that's like, six in the entire school? I think the more important question is, how didn't you know she had a boyfriend. It's all well and good, but no matter what you do, if she's taken you're screwed."

"I don't know how I didn't know! I may not be a girl, but I do count myself as a rather large gossip and very well informed in the goings on at school."

_Are they talking about you?_ I sunk lower in my chair, hoping to avoid detection. _Why would Sirius care if you have a boyfriend unless… He likes you? Impossible._

I rushed to Potions, hoping to find Lily there early. I was amazed o find she wasn't. Only Professor Slughorn, the poor Slytherin James and Sirius had, for some reason, taken a fondness to of hexing, a few other Slytherin favorites, and some Ravenclaws. Professor Slughorn stopped at my table only to ask 'when the lovely Ms. Evans was going to join us'. He had loved her since day one, the perfect student that she was. He only accepted me because I was friends with her.

I couldn't believe Lily wasn't early. She was early for everything, especially classes. This class was going to be small, being advanced potions, but I knew we were missing a few more than just her. I assumed that at least Remus would be joining us, and possibly James and Sirius. They had been in the class last year, but I think they only passed by the skin of their teeth and because Remus was too nice of a friend.

Lily came rushing in a few moments before class began. She looked slightly disheveled and very confused.

"Hi Lils. Nice of you to join us." I teased. She didn't answer me, just set up her books, and cauldron and didn't meet my eyes. "You okay?"

"Yeah." She said, brushing me off. Still not meeting my eyes.

"Did you get breakfast? I didn't see you there." I said trying to draw her out.

"No." She said. Not looking at the door as Remus hurried through the door, and James and Sirius followed at a casual pace.

"You three are late!" Slughorn bellowed. We knew he didn't mean it. Though they were Griffindors, and he was the Slytherin Head, Slughorn still favored those he counted as members of his 'club', which the three, of course, were.

"Sorry Professor. Couldn't get this lump out of bed this morning." Sirius joked as the three took the table behind Lily and I. Lily was still looking down, refusing to look at James. He wasn't much better. He did look exhausted, and like he just rolled out of bed.

"Sorry." He mumbled, without even an attempt at humor.

"Now that we're all here," With a slightly pointed glance at the three head behind us, "Let's get started! As you can see, we lost a few your classmates. Unfortunate, unfortunate, I really did like that Greggor chap-" he mumbled on for a moment, then seemed to regain focus, "Ah, yes, there's eleven of us now. Dreadful, an odd number-" he mumbled a bit more, "But I see you've all found seats and have set up. Now lets have fun. I'm thinking we'll start easy; see what you remember from last year. I'm thinking, Veritaserum, yes? Tricky, tricky, but I'm sure you can handle it. I expect a vial on my desk in two hours. Go!"

Lily was all but dancing I her seat, the thought of making Veritaserum instantly making her happier. Remus seemed please too, as did the Slytherin boy, Severus Something, while the rest of the class shifted uncomfortably in their seats. Severus was the first to get up and head to the storeroom, and every one quickly followed his lead.

My potion turned out okay. Not crystal clear like Lily's, Remus's, and Severus's, but a nice clear with only a bit of clouding. Enough to get an E, maybe an O if he was in a good mood, or an A if he wasn't.

"I'm expecting a nice two scrolls, discussing ways that you could improve your potion, either in the formula or the in preparations. And another two to on Christian Collier Cooper Colinstein, creator of Veritaserum. Next class please!" Slughorn called out as Lily and I left the classroom. The two hours weren't up, so most of the class was still completing their potion. Severus finished in an hour and left quickly. Remus finished shortly after, but still dawdled, giving hints to Sirius and James.

Lily and I left, and she still hadn't spoken to me, other than the two one word answers I got at the beginning of class. Walking up from the dungeons, I pulled her into the first empty classroom I could find.

"Okay girl, talk. What's up with you this morning? Lover boy keep you up all night?" I said. Maybe I was being nosey, it was another character flaw of mine. I was innately curious, I couldn't help it. I liked to know things, understand things. I really didn't like being kept I the dark or being lied to. I knew I should have just let it go when she didn't answer, but I couldn't when I saw how red she became. Being pale and red haired, Lily's emotions showed quite plainly on her face, and she didn't know how to hide them. Nothing was coming out of her mouth, but her face said quite enough.

"Did he?" I asked.

"Yes." She said after a pause, and a very deep breath. "We talked."

"We talked? What in Merlin's beard does that mean?" We'd been best friends for forever, and shared everything. And now she was avoiding me. And not talking to me. And refusing to look at me. And twisting her rings around like she did whenever she was nervous or had something she didn't want to tell me, or was considering lying.

I was pretty good at telling when people were lying. Everyone had tells, things that gave them away. Lily's tell was playing with her rings or getting mad in order to distract from her answer. My mom's tell was re applying lip gloss. James' was running his hands through his hair, but he did that a lot so you couldn't always count on his.

"We talked most of the night." She snapped, my tone getting her spine up. "And then I woke up late. And grabbed breakfast in the kitchens. Then I rushed here." Her sentences were short and snappy, and angry sounding, but she was still twisting her rings.

"I think you forgot a step in there." My temper was building. Before I was merely annoyed, and even hurt, that she didn't feel like she could share with me. Now I was truly mad. We never lied to each other. Ever. "I went to the kitchens after breakfast looking for you and the house elves said you had already been there and gone. So then I left and got to Potions in plenty of time. Obviously you're leaving out something. Am I not good enough for you to share it with me?"

"No!" She flushed. She knew how I felt about liars. "I just- Well… I just- mmmm…" She stuttered. "I can't tell you."

"Great. Thanks Lils." I said sarcastically. "You know you don't have to tell me everything, but I at least expect a bit. You've been avoiding me since last night. You haven't told me anything. And really, I don't mind that so much. You and James. It's okay if you want to leave it at that. But Lily, lying to me? Is that really the best you can do?" My temper; frustration towards Sirius, anger and hurt for Lily, anger at James for taking Lily away, shaken about the thestrals;usually so carefully reined in, was out of my control.

"Addy, what the hell? I thought you were bigger than these stupid, petty fights. And in better control of your temper." Lily was back in her element- she didn't like focus on herself. So she was trying to distract attention off herself by pointing a finger at me. I had no patience for her attempts to calm me down. None. I did the only thing I could. Storm out… in a dramatic fashion of course.

I had plenty of time before my next lesson, Ancient Runes, and I desperately needed to calm down. I walked out to the empty courtyard. Seventh years rotated on different schedules than the rest of the school, so most of the Hogwart's population was already in their second classes. I settled my self down on a bench, and tried to take in the silence and relax.

* * *

I couldn't explain, even to my self, why I got so mad. Yes, she lied to me, but I was frustrated before then, and my outburst was completely irrational.

* * *

My musings were interrupted by a loud voice calling across the courtyard. I looked up to see one of my best friends Nikolas Actley walking across to me. "Hello Addy. How was the rest of your holiday?" Niko asked in a heavy accent. He hard dark coloring, was medium height, but rather jacked. He had moved from Latvia four years ago, and everyone could tell the instant he opened his mouth. He was one of the sweetest, and gentlest people I knew, though people passing him often crossed to the other side of the street, so intimidated by his size. We had met up at Diagon Alley a few times in July, before he spent August with family in Latvia.

"It was slow." I said, glad to have such a nice distraction from my thoughts. "But fun, though I can't tell you how gad I am to be back here. How was Latvia? And Krista?" We continued chatting, until we headed up together for Ancient Ruins.

Niko and I had become friends through Ancient Ruins. We both loved the class, and though he was from Ravenclaw we started hanging out in and after class. It was nice. I enjoyed having a nonromantic relationship with a guy. His girlfriend, Krista, lived in Latvia, and they had been together before he came to Hogwarts, and I had no interest in him like that.

We walked, laughing as he told me another silly story about one of his and Krista's escapades and run-ins with her mother, into the Ancient Ruins classroom at the base of the Astronomy tower. The classroom was small, but the class was always small too, so it felt comfortable. This years class was surprisingly small, only eight students; three Ravenclaws including Niko, two Slytherins, a Hufflepuff, Remus, and myself.

"Hello Lupin." Niko said politely, as we slid into seats beside him. The classroom was arranged similar to our common rooms. Professor Bancroft's comfy chair was in the center, and the rest of the seats were arranged in a half circle around hers. Each seat was different, but they were all old. My seat was a peeling white wicker chair, with a faded flower cushion, while Remus's was an odd wooden throne like chair, with a rickety front leg. In between the seats were small tables, which miraculously matched the chair on its right side. "How was your summer?" I was slightly surprised by the look of utter shock that crossed Remus's face.

He took an awkward pause, long enough for Niko and I to exchange questioning glances. "Ah- It was fine." He managed to stutter out. He kept the same shocked expression all through the first part of the class, blatantly ignoring what Professor Bancroft was saying, focusing on his parchment which his was writing furiously on. He was the only one writing so I knew it had nothing to do with class work, and he wasn't even being sly about it.

"Now." She started in her slightly nasally sounding voice. She was one of the oldest teachers in the schools, rumors swirling that she had taught Professor Dumbledore when he was a student here. I didn't think she was that old, but she had certainly been here when my parents were in school. She was this tiny, grandmother like figure, with shocking white hair, which she some times changed to a vivid red or raven black, depending on her mood. She looked completely harmless, and was most of the time, but when she got angry, everyone ducked for cover. Her anger wasn't like fire and the yelling kind, like most teachers. It was icy and stung all the more for that.

"I may not be as pretty as Ms. Darcey or as handsome as Mr. Actely, but I do expect to have some attention paid to me!" Professor Bancroft inserted loudly, and rather directly at Remus. He didn't seem to notice that she was talking, never mind directly at him. I tried to nudge him to attention, but Professor Bancroft beat me to it. "Lupin!" At this he seemed to come quickly out of his daze, blinking up from his parchment like he'd just woken up from a long sleep.

"I'm sorry, what?" he asked, when he finally noticed that we were all waiting for him.

She sighed, exasperated. "I'm not doing this because I like you all," we all laughed at her obvious lie. That was her favorite saying, 'I'm not doing-whatever- because I like you all.' She could use it in any situation, and we all knew that she did like us. "But, you aren't paying any attention to anything I'm saying. So I ask my self why I'm still up here talking. Obviously Lupin is distracted, and with a class as small as this, that's a bad thing. So off to lunch with you all. I expect you to give me your undivided attention the minute you step foot back into this room. If its not I expect you not to return today." With that, she left the classroom before anyone had the chance to realize what she was saying. Lupin fled quickly after, which was the first of his normal behavior yet. He always left class quickly, either to be the first to the library or meet Sirius and James somewhere to wreck havoc.

Niko and I left at a more leisurely pace, walking down together to The Great Hall. "You want to sit with me today?" Niko asked as we entered The Great Hall, about to say good-bye for lunch. I began to answer 'no' until I noticed Lily sitting Alice and Greer. I was still annoyed with Lily, and knew we were going to have to settle everything out, but I didn't think in the middle of lunch was the best idea. I had gotten over being too angry, but I was still annoyed and hurt about being lied to.

"Sure." I said and we walked down the center isle, between the Ravenclaw and Gryffindor tables. I settled in beside Nik and some of our mutual Ravenclaw friends and ate. And tried not to think of the set of eyes I could feel boring into the back of my head.

**I'd like to specifically thank Jordanjinxxer, ktmt1120, ShadyGeorgiia, Rusty Red Raptor, and Tarya 13 all for reviewing! I'd also like to thank everyone else who added this to their favorite stories or story alerts, and added me as a favorite author and onto author alert. It means a lot to me, because I know people like what I'm doing. Its encouraging and very exciting to get an email from . It makes my day! **


	5. Chapter 5

**It's been a little while hasn't it? Sorry about that... Anywho- Please enjoy the update! It's a little shorter than usual, but this is a bit of a placeholder chapter. I needed to get somethings across so the story could move along. Also- I'm going back a changing a few little things in this story. You'll be able to follow without rereading, but some little things might make more sense if you go back and reread the first four chapters. So I'm not telling you you have to reread this, just encouraging it. **

_I believe in everything until it's disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it's in your mind. Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now? _  
_~John Lennon_

Chapter 5

Lunch was an awkward affair. I sat with my back to the Gryffindor table and imagined the looks and gossip circulating the table, maybe even the whole lunch room. I though I felt eyes boring into the back of my neck. An unpleasant experience, let me tell you. Though I don't like to sound like James, Lily and I were popular, or at least recognizable. Much like Jams and Sirius we were attached at the hip, people couldn't imagine me with out Lily. It was always "Oh Miss Evans! And Miss Darcey..." I don't like a lot of attention, so it never bothered me that I was an afterthought. Lily was just Lily and people couldn't help but love her. I was just Addy.

Many times through lunch I had to resist the urge to turn around and see if it was just my imagination or if people actually noticed Lily and my separation. One of Niko's friends, Shane Gately, sat with us, and he and Niko kept a running commentary of the first years at the Hufflepuff table attempting their first spells. The conversation didn't require much from me except a few smiles and a forced laugh once in a while.

I picked at my food until Shane's sixth year, fellow Ravenclaw girlfriend Melissa Harroway joined the group. She sat next to Shane, basically in his lap. Niko and I couldn't help but give each other a look. They were really adorable together, in a kind of sickening way. After the break in conversation so Shane and Missy could snog for a few minutes, the boys returned to the conversation. Missy caught her breath and smiled dreamily at me.

"Merlin, I just love him." She said, sounding slightly dazed and still a little out of breath.

"Still, you might want to watch those public displays of affection. You know that's generally frowned upon. One of these days you're going to get caught sucking face with him." I couldn't help but scold.

I was not as rule obsessed as Lily, but I certainly wasn't as loose with their meaning as the boys. And I couldn't help but feel motherly to Missy, even though she was almost a foot taller than me. She was a sweet, innocent, usually oblivious blond who brought out the protector in me.

"You're such a worry-wart!" she teased.

"No," I countered teasing back. "It's just I witnessed Professor McGonagall separating two seventh years when I was a first year here, and I don't mind telling you that it was not a pleasant experience for wither of them."

"I'll take my chances!" Missy settled it with a smile. We eased into an easy silence, and the boys continued being funny and some times crude. After checking to make sure the boys would remain occupied for a bit longer, Missy leaned across the table to whisper conspiratorially. "So… What's up with you and Lily? Not that I mind you sitting here! But, it's just you're usually with her. And boys are stupid, they can't read body language. I can though, and you definitely looked upset when I was walking over here."

"I'm fine." I brushed her off with my white lie, which hurt as it came out of my mouth. I should be find, so I tried to talk myself out of believing I lied. Usually pretending works for me. If I pretend something isn't there or pretend that I feel something, usually it's not there and I feel what I'm supposed to. Missy obviously didn't believe me, but she thankfully let it go.

I love that girl.

* * *

Niko and I returned to class. The rest of my school day was normal. I managed to avoid my Gryffindor friends, sticking with Niko, Shane and Missy. I know I was avoiding the inevitable confrontation, but I didn't want to do it in the mood I was in. I would say something I didn't mean, or Lily would, and we'd be worse off that we already were.

I ate dinner at the Ravenclaw table. I was certain I wasn't imaging the looks by now.

"Why is Remus Lupin looking at you so funny?" If Missy, Miss Oblivious, noticed something, I knew the gossip wheel was circulating.

"That's it!" Niko got up, and started to walk towards the end of the table at which Lupin sat.

"Niko!" I got up too, and rushed to his side, and tried to pull him back. I hoped something like this wouldn't happen, and now my worst fear was coming true. Remus saw us coming, Niko marching forwards like a solider off to battle while pulling me along like a rag doll, despite my pitiful attempts to pull him back. Remus had a decidedly un-Remus like expression, like he was ready for the imminent fight.

Remus got up, ready to meet us half way, and James and Pettigrew got up to follow. I quickly noted Sirius wasn't there to back Lupin up, but my thoughts couldn't dwell on that for long, because Niko was now standing face to face with Remus.

"What the hell is your problem?" Niko demanded, his accent thick again. Remus just looked at Niko for a moment before turning to look at me. His eyes seemed more calculating than usual, and less open. I turned my attention from Remus, back to Niko, still hoping to avoid a fight.

"Niko, come on! Don't do this. Don't be stupid! Do you honestly want to risk being expelled if you try this?" I tried to plead with his reasonable side. I turned towards James to get him to help my cause, "James! Do something. Take Remus somewhere else for heavens sakes!" James looked uncertainly towards Remus, as if unsure weither or not to break up the fight. I returned to cajoling Niko, and slowly separating the two boys.

"James, take Lupin to The Library. Now!" A new, authoritative voice joined the growing din. James snapped to attention to Lily's command, and between Lily, and James, they got Remus to walk past us and leave, with Pettigrew scurrying after. Niko finally let me drag him along, after a few moments between James, Lily and Remus's departure. He let me pull him into the courtyard where I had met him earlier and sit him down on a bench.

It was dark out, but it was the only place where I thought we'd be safe from interruptions.

"Niko calm the hell down. What just happened? He's been glaring all morning, and you were fine until Missy said something."

"Addy. You know I consider you one of my best friends. You're almost like the sister I'm never going to have. And you're so small… It's hard not to get protective of you when some ass glares at you like you've done something wrong. All you did was keep us from each other throats in class. Certainly not enough to deserve the hatred he was shooting your way."

Hatred? Since when could Remus hate anyone, especially me? We had been fine on the carriage ride. We'd been fine the last few years. For all his rule breaking with Sirius and James, Remus did love the rules and school. I couldn't imagine him in a fight over anything besides school. We got along fairly well because we both liked school. We had never hung out because he was on a total higher social level, but we'd say hi in the library and he didn't mind if I asked him a question when I couldn't find Lily.

"Thanks Niko. For sticking up for me and considering me one of your best friends. But I don't think that Remus hates me." I may have been utterly lost with what everything was all about, but I could admit to being slightly pleased that Niko cared that much for me.

"Addy. You didn't see the looks he was giving you." Niko shot back.

"No I didn't. But Remus is a nice guy! I can't believe he would hate me." I pointed out.

"Addy," Niko looked at me with pity. "This isn't something you can ignore and have it disappear. You're an amazing girl, and Remus has no reason to hate you. This isn't something I can ignore. He may hate you for no reason, and we both have to live with that. But when he makes you uncomfortable with his dislike, I can't ignore that. I'm not as oblivious as you and Missy think. I knew you were off all day. I love you, and you don't deserve a stupid boy glaring at you and gossiping about you. So, if he does it again, you'd better do something about it before I do."

"I'll see you later Niko, okay?" I couldn't answer him. I gave him a quick hug to tell him I appreciated everything, but once again I was avoiding confrontation. He recognized that and let me go. I hurried to the Fat Lady, hoping to sneak through the Common Room and up to my dorm before I was noticed.

* * *

The professors thankfully hadn't started piling on the work, so I had all my work done before dinner, and I sat down to write my dad a letter. I wouldn't send it. I couldn't send it. I never sent these things. But I liked to write everything out, the release felt therapeutic. I had tried to keep a diary, but I always felt silly writing to myself. I used to talk to my dad about everything. I'm sure he didn't listen to half of what I said, never mind understand the other half, but that didn't matter to me. I knew he was always there, and in a way he always will be.

**Dear Daddy,**

**Well, I'm to Hogwarts safely. My schedule is fine, and my classes are good. I don't have any new professors and there are no new students. Hogwarts is basically the same.**

**Lily and I got into a fight. I can't even call it a fight actually… Lily and I got into a disagreement. She obviously got Head Girl, but James Potter (the boy with the crush on her for the last seven years? I think grandma was friends with his grandma, we met when we here eight I think.) to everyone's surprise got Head Boy. Lily finally broke down and I think they're together now…. But I don't know. She doesn't hate him, I know that much.**

**But she lied to me! You know I can't stand liars. She knows that too. She's my best friend, she knows everything! How could she have made the conscious choice to lie to me? It was about something stupid too. She didn't have to lie. I mean, I know I tell her everything and some of it she probably doesn't need to know. And I know she's not necessarily as open about everything as I always am, but she knows me! She knows I hate lies and secrets. And she's doing both!**

**Wow, I'm so glad Lily and I aren't doing this now. I'm being completely irrational aren't I? She doesn't have to tell me everything. It just hurts that she has something she doesn't think she could share with me.**

**I hope she and James are together. She deserves someone, not just a melodramatic wimp like me. I'm too soft. I worry too much. I'm afraid of everything.**

**I'm a hypocrite. I hide and pretend and fake my way through life. If I pretend something isn't so, I can make it disappear. I just want it to disappear! Lily is the only one that knows, and I haven't even shared the full story with her.**

**I miss you Daddy.**

**Anyway… I thought I got over Sirius, you know? Convinced myself that I could move on. He goes through girls like I got through Drew Balls. Not like I ever had an actual shot with him, but I refused to be one of the silly girls who follow him around in hopes that he'll notice me. I always thought I could be better than that. But he's just so freakin' gorgeous! It hurts, but I could look into his eyes forever. And now I sound like even more of a creep.**

**Well, I'm going to burn this in a minute so I'll let it out. Remus Lupin, one of Sirius and James's friends who is in a few of my classes dislikes me. Niko says he hates me, but I can't imagine Remus hating anyone. I wish I was just imagining things but even Missy noticed. I don't know… I just thought he was nice. He was another connection to Sirius. I can't think of what I could have done to make him dislike me, never mind hate me. I'm a nice person! I don't fight, I don't play tricks on people, I help anyone out who asks… I didn't take his place in anything, bump him out of any top spots in school, didn't spill something on his work, cheat off him on a test… I just don't know!**

**Thank you Daddy. I love you!**

**Love,**

**Addy**

I reread my letter. Nothing was magically sorted out but I felt better, calmer. Maybe I could handle Lily in the morning, Remus in the afternoon. I folded up the letter and threw it into the fire place and watched the red-orange flames eat and lick at the parchment, turning my inner most conflicts to ash.

_X~~~~~~~~~~~~X_

_My hands shake as I open the letter. I know it was from my mom. She is the only person I know who would use lilac colored and scented parchment for a quick note to her daughter. I hope this was one of her silly letters, saying nothing of importance, just jabbering away. I don't know why I think this letter is going to be different. Her letters usually have no purpose, but from the minute I picked this letter up I knew something had to be wrong. Please just be a letter telling about the new restaurant dad took her to or the new dress gown she's sending me!_

_My dad calls me "his little empathy." I'm sad whenever someone else was sad, and I can pick up people's emotions, no mater how good they were at hiding them. This wouldn't be the first time I've gotten a sense of a letter's contents before I opened it._

_I read my letter and my shaking hands still. I guess I was being silly. All it is is another note about the silly lady in the office next to my mom and my parent's most recent dinner date with people from my mom's office. She signs it "We love you!" like always, and I laugh at myself. I get worried over nothing, as usual. I'll work on that in the future._

_X~~~~~~~~~~~~X_

I roll over under the covers, Artemis hopping onto the bed after her midnight excursion. Not waking all the way up, I shift again and fall back to sleep.

_X~~~~~~~~~~~~X_

_"I'm so sorry Adrienne. We tried everything the last few weeks. I'm so sorry for you and your mother's loss." The Head Healer at Saint Mungo's watched me with remorse. I stood where I was, frozen. I could hear my mother sobbing somewhere behind me._

_Dead? My father couldn't be dead. He was fine, less than a week ago! I got my regular letter from my mother, and laughed with her as she wrote abut Dad's "sock hunt." That letter was from last Tuesday. He was fine. He can't be dead. He can't be._

___X~~~~~~~~~~~~X_

I woke up, startled, and not wanting my memory to continue. Anything is better than that day, even waking up too early to get up, but too late to go back to sleep, the morning after the second worse day of your life.

**Once again, thanks to those who reviewed, favorited, alerted... anything that let me know that what I'm writing has an audience out there somewhere! Very much appreciated! **

**Hopefully there won't be such a huge gap between chapters next time... the next one should be up no latter than the first week in September. **


	6. Chapter 6

**I really have no excuse for this delay, so all I can do is apologize. I am so sorry that this chapter took such a ridiculous amount of time, and isn't even an awesome chapter to make up for things. SORRY! I'm working on the next chapter, but I don't want to make any promises when my track record hasn't been very good. **

**Moving on. This chapter is somewhat filler I guess. I'm not super happy with it, but I wanted to get it out to ya'll. It's doing no good sitting on my computer, so might as well share.**

**And I'm just going to apologize one more time. SORRY, SORRY, SORRY!**

_What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. ~Jewish Proverb_

My hands shake as I open the letter. I know it was from my mom. She is the only person I know who would use lilac colored and scented parchment for a quick note to her daughter. I hope this was one of her silly letters, saying nothing of importance, just jabbering away. I don't know why I think this letter is going to be different. Her letters usually have no purpose, but from the minute I picked this letter up I knew something had to be wrong. Please just be a letter telling about the new restaurant dad took her to or the new dress gown she's sending me!

My dad calls me "his little empathy." I'm sad whenever someone else was sad, and I can pick up people's emotions, no mater how good they were at hiding them. This wouldn't be the first time I've gotten a sense of a letter's contents before I opened it.

I read my letter and my shaking hands still. I guess I was being silly. All it is is another note about the silly lady in the office next to my mom and my parent's most recent dinner date with people from my mom's office. She signs it "We love you!" like always, and I laugh at myself. I get worried over nothing, as usual. I'll work on that in the future.

I roll over under the covers, Artemis hopping onto the bed after her midnight excursion. Not waking all the way up, I shift again and fall back to sleep.

"I'm so sorry Adrienne. We tried everything the last few weeks. I'm so sorry for you and your mother's loss." The Head Healer at Saint Mungo's watched me with remorse. I stood where I was, frozen. I could hear my mother sobbing somewhere behind me.

Dead? My father couldn't be dead. He was fine, less than a week ago! I got my regular letter from my mother, and laughed with her as she wrote about Dad's "sock hunt." That letter was from last Tuesday. He was fine. He can't be dead. He can't be.

* * *

I woke up, startled, and not wanting my memory to continue. Anything is better than that day, even waking up too early to get up, but too late to go back to sleep, the morning after the second worse day of your life.

God. I hate that dream. Nightmare is probably a better word. But in all actuality it's a memory, which makes it that much worse.

I used to have the memory replayed every night the minute I went to sleep. I'd wake up creaming, and woke the entire dorm the first few times, until Lily and I found a spell that would put a sound box around my bed. Over time it became easier to sleep through the night, and this was the first time since the end of school last year that I had the nightmare.

It was 6:30 in the morning, and I was supposed to be up at 7:30. I didn't have enough time to fall back asleep, but I wasn't ready to leave the warmth of my covers. I snuggled down with Artemis, who still lay on my pillow.

* * *

I mentally prepared myself for today's confrontations. I needed Lily more than I liked to admit, and though I still thought she was in the wrong in this case, I would go to her first. I would explain my feelings, she would apologize, and hopefully explain hers, and we would move on like it never happened. Then I would ask her if she knew anything about the Remus thing. She had always been better friends with him that I was, so maybe she knew what was going on. I would apologize if I had to, to Remus or do my best to stay out of his way.

I felt better having a plan. Usually I'm artsy, more just go with the flow than make a plan, but I didn't always do well expressing m feeling in front of people. Having a plan in these situations helped.

Satisfied, I rolled over. It was still too early, but if I was going to do this, I would do it right.

I was the first one in the bathrooms and I had plenty of time, so I spoiled myself with a luxurious bubble bath. They always relaxed me and I just felt wonderful after. I washed my hair with my pomegranate shampoo and conditioner, and did a quick drying spell that let my hair shiny and silky. All dry and strait, my hair reached halfway down my back, and my bangs were slightly over my eyes. I probably should have trimmed my hair before I left for school, but now I'd just wait for the first Hogsmeade visit and hopefully take care of it then.

By now, the rest of the dorm was up and moving, some slower than others. I debated asking, but I finally worked up the courage to ask for help.

"Alice, Turq?" I asked quietly. I wasn't one to usually dress up or care about my looks, and I wanted to avoid any of the questions the others would ask about the change. We were friends, but some of the girls weren't above gossip.

"Hey girls. What's up?" Turq asked as she joined me in the bathroom, Alice following behind her.

"Would you guys mind doing me a favor?" I asked, embarrassed for some reason that I was asking them to help with my hair and makeup and because had to ask them. I had no idea what I was doing. "Can you guys help me a little with my hair and makeup and stuff?"

"Of course Addy," Alice said kindly. "It'd be no trouble."

"I've waited seven years to do this you know!" Turq said with an evil laugh.

Turq pushed me over to the counter space, and I hopped up onto it so we were eye level while Alice headed back to the dorm to get everything.

I had some potion rubbed into my hair to make the reds and caramels and undertones of amber shine brighter in the light. Alice did two French braids that pulled some of my hair back into a clip and left the rest hanging. I had some cream on my face that evened out my completion and added a splash of blush to my cheeks. I stopped them before they could do much of anything else, with a promise that I'd actually let them give me a complete make over before the Halloween dance. I wanted to look pretty, but I didn't want to make it look like I obviously had spent extra attention to my looks this morning.

Alice and Turq forced me out of the dorm before I could back out of anything. They basically frog marched me to the Great Hall and then into Transfiguration. The N.E.W.T.'s level Transfiguration class was the largest of the classes offered for seventh years. Everyone would be here. I'd have to face them all together. What a great start to a Wednesday morning.

I slid into a seat on the Gryffindor side of the room. Alice slid in beside me, and we had said goodbye to Turq as we left the Great Hall. Professor McGonagall was being her usually intimidating self, staring down everyone in the room at the same time. She was an excellent teacher, for all her gruffness. She was generally fair, and never favored Gryffindors, unfortunately. But I liked Transfiguration all the same.

It was one of my better classes, and the only class I was better in Lily at. I wasn't better by a lot, just enough to make her competitive.

Lily was sitting in front of me, with James of all people beside her. It was shocking that they were sitting so comfortable, but even more surprising that James wasn't sprinting in a half second before the bell, as Remus and Sirius did, sliding into seats behind Alice and myself.

McGonagall started right into "this is the most important year of your schooling" talk, not saying anything about the near tardy boys, ignoring them except for a sharp glare. She lectured briefly about the plan for the year, and what the N.E.W.T.'s themselves would look like, before sending us off to practice the spells we had learned last year and read about over the summer. Sound filled the previously silent room, as friends joked and the few bullies laughed at struggling students.

This was my shot. Probably my best shot all day. I just had to talk my self into it.

I decided to start with Remus. We weren't that close, so honestly? I couldn't care as much about his obvious distain for me than about Lily and my friendship. She was the focus, because she was the most important. She had been there for me since we entered school and we were closer than friends. People already said we were "attached at the hip," and not always with kindest intentions, but she was the closest thing to a sister I had. I needed her. I was weak when it came to emotions. I'd rather just ignore them until they disappeared. It was easier to bottle things up than deal with them. I was good at that.

Lily was good at knocking sense into me. Good at reminding me that it was okay to have emotions, and to get mad at people. And hen she was always there for the fall when everything I bottled up came pouring out. I needed her.

So I had to talk myself into the confrontation. Usually Lily would talk me into it, but this time I was on my own. Basically meaning I was screwed.

* * *

"Hey Remus!" I turned around and said cheerfully once Professor McGonagall headed over to help a struggling Slytherin on the other side of the classroom. He seemed guarded as he said a stilted hello in return, and Sirius didn't even look up to acknowledge me. I in turn ignored him, focusing on Remus. "Sorry about any awkwardness in Runes yesterday. Are you okay?" I still couldn't believe that Remus could hate me, but something was wrong.

"I'm fine." he paused for a moment after his sharp response, but his good manners go the better of him and he continued. "Thank you for your concern." I could tell he was uncomfortable and wanted to say more, but he stayed silent.

I waited for something, anything else, but he had nothing more to say. I quickly turned around, not a very Gryffindor like move, and started my spell work. I saw Lily and James turn around quickly, doing a terrible job pretending they weren't just eavesdropping.

"You okay?" Alice asks quietly, as we take turns turning our mouse into different things.

"I'm fine, I promise." Alice is a sweetheart. I forget that more than I should, with all the time I spend with Lily and all the time Alice spends with Frank. I made a mental note to get her something extra special for Christmas this year.

"Hi Lily. Can we talk?" I asked quietly after Transfiguration as everyone packs up. She didn't answer, but turned to James and told him she'd have to meet with him later to work out the schedule for the prefects. We walked out to the lake in silence, neither having to say where we were going.

Ever brave Lily broke the silence. "Your hair looks very pretty today."

"I finally let Turq get her hands on it..." Why am I in Gryffindor? I'm not brave. I'm the biggest wimp ever, afraid to talk to my best friend. I should be in Ravenclaw, with the other bookworms who don't know how to deal with people.

"So... You and Niko are together now? When did that happen?" Lily once again broke the silence.

"What are you talking about? We're just friends. You know he has a girlfriend, you met her this summer!" What was she talking about?

"Oh." Lily looked confused, an expression which hardly ever crossed her face. "Then what was up with his display yesterday?"

"Lupin was being weird yesterday in Runes and Niko didn't like it. End of story. We aren't together. Who told you we were?"

Lily looked ashamed. "No one told me, per say."

"Lily..."

"Well... It's just all over the school. Niko's one of the more attractive boys here and he's so nice, but he's been relatively safe from the slutty girls, because he's so dedicated to his girlfriend. But now... People think you two are together."

"That's ridiculous. We're just friends! Can't a girl have a friend that's a guy?"

"Addy... That's not all." Lily was looking down and playing with her rings. I waited for her to continue. "Some people are... insinuating... that you stole Niko or that you're letting him cheat on his girlfriend with you."

"So people are calling me a slut." How did my life go downhill so quickly?

"We can fix it! We'll just make sure everyone knows it's a complete rumor with no truth to it and it will all go away as soon as the next big scandal hits!" Lily jumped in quickly. By not disputing my claim, it was obvious that it was "slut" or worse that people were referring to me as.

I sighed. "I have to go find Niko." Lily and I were best friends, but Niko was important to me too. Especially after his confession yesterday. I felt closer to him than ever, and I had t do something. I know we hadn't sorted anything out, but other things seemed more pressing. Like Niko and my reputation. And Niko's life if his girlfriend ever heard about the rumors.

"I'm coming with you!" Lily said certainly, with a "don't-mess-with-my-best-friend-or-else"

look.

"Thanks." I said with a grateful smile. "But I think I'll go talk to him alone. Would you mind…" I paused, feeling awkward asking her for anything when we were still technically in a fight.

"I'll go make sure everyone knows the lies are just that- lies." My eyes welled up and I gave her another thankful smile. She drags me into a smothering hug before I can hurry back towards the castle, and I let myself sink into it, needed the contact. "I'll save you a seat in DADA!"

I had another half an hour before Defense Against the Dark Arts, and I hoped that was enough time to find Niko and sort everything out. Maybe he had more information than Lily had given me. Even if he didn't, he and Shane would be together, and they could direct me to Missy who would certainly have more information.

I thankfully found the three of them lounging around the Great Hall before Missy had to walk down to Care of Magical Creatures and us 7th years would go to N.E.W.T. DADA. I stood next to Missy and as far away from Niko as possible. There were hundreds of eyes on us and I didn't want anything else to be started if I stood next to Niko. People were making up stories out of nothing and I couldn't give them any more ammunition.

So... Just as a quick clarifier. I kind of imagine the schedule to be like a college schedule, where you go to a class two or three times a week and are left with a lot of free study time, especially as my main characters are seniors. And this is just how I imagine Addy's schedule. And as another side note, I think "Study" would be more like open officer hours held by professors, rather than the study hall we all had in high school.

**MONDAY**

Transfiguration

Defense against the Dark Arts

Study

Charms

**TUESDAY**

Potions

Ancient Runes

Herbology

**WEDNESY**

Transfiguration

Defense against the Dark Arts

Study

Charms

**THURSDAY**

Double Potions

Ancient Runes

Herbology

**FRIDAY**

Transfiguration

Defense against the Dark Arts

Study

Charms


End file.
